Who am I?

It's a late night for me. I'm babysitting for my cousin. It's been a trying couple of days,weeks, months I don't know how to pin it down. God is truly speaking in so many ways. Tonight I am a little down and questioning a lot of things and as I was just spacing out I heard "who am I?" in my spirit. Who I am? I am a child of God's who is asked to do nothing on my own accord. Daily I face struggles, but I do not face them alone. I have God right beside me carrying the load.
Many times I let my anger get the best of me and I speak out of turn and I speak my mind without filters, but who I am to get upset? It is not my place. I'm not to seek revenge, I'm not to speak ill of others, I'm not to show my butt to anyone but God, I'm not to take on the world and not ask for help, I'm not to expect others to read my mind, I could go on. God is showing me so much that is IN ME! It's time for me to take a long look at things that are not right in myself and make a conscious change. 
God why do I let my flesh get the better of me? Why do I take things way to personally? Why do I feel the need to let everyone know when I feel like I have been done wrong? Why can't I just let You, God handle it like I know you will in Your time? It seems to be so easy to jump in on the gossip or to tell others what has happened to me, but so hard to be the positive one speaking good and reminding others of the good that has come. I want so much to bring joy into a conversation. I want so much to stop the negative in it's tracks and not agree with others and add to it. I don't want to walk away I want to speak up and bring God into the room.
I am so thankful for where God has me. He knows me, knows what I need, and even though I truly don't see why I have to "suffer" with some things I know there is a reason for it all. As I sit here wondering "who I am" I know I am a child of God.

Inspired

Philippians 4: 4-9

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. 

Yes it is time to rejoice. God wants nothing more than you to be happy and to rejoice. Yes in Him, but also in life. When you rejoice you are praising Him. You are showing Him thanks. He loves to see you happy and rejoicing! Yep He truly does. 

God is so awesome. I wanted to follow up with some news. I know I've been sharing a lot about teaching and I this past week I put into practice something I learned better yet realized I wasn't doing correctly. I want to set up work stations or tasks for my students to do independently and have tried to do in the past, but it never really worked. Well it didn't work because I did not teach the children how to complete the tasks instead I thought they could do it without me. This week I made a clothespin ABC matching activity and showed the students exactly what to do step by step letting them practice and help me complete the task. I then explained how to raise their hand and show me before taking off the clothespins. We practiced this several times each. We also practiced getting the named activity and taking it to their work station and working quietly on the tasks. I had a picture for the activity and gave it to the student who went and got the task (some needed help) and began working. Again we practiced a lot.Then I put it to the test and had set up stations for the kiddos putting one working on the matching task independently. The other kids were split between me and my paraprofessional. We rotated students and the ones who worked independently didn't even need to ask for help. 

I plan on continuing this with many more tasks. I have made a couple of neat ones that I found on Pinterenest and plan on making many more. The trick is to "teach" it first and then let them be independent. Only 5 years into Special Education and I got one thing down pat. 

Thanks for following me in this journey. God is truly showing Himself to me in the little things and I am happy to be able to rejoice in this discovery. 

You never know

God is in the little things. Today a student whom isn't mine, but helps out with my kiddos in the mornings is moving away. He is a kid who at times just gets under my skin. Very silly and wanting to help so much. I often get frustrated with him for not helping, but playing and want to just send him back to his class. He is currently in foster care and is going to live with his aunt and uncle. I could tell today that he is nervous about moving away and told him it will be great and he will be back with family. His response sent me into tears. He said they aren't adopting me, just taking me in and they could get rid of me at any time. Made me wish I could go back and give him more attention, more praise, and let him do more. You never know. God opened my eyes a lot this week with me and who I am, my work life, and my family life. I am thankful that I can continue to grow and be more to myself, my family, and in my work life. Truly you never know.

Ramblings of a Special Education Teacher! Praising God.

I am a beginner teacher. I have been teaching for 5 years and am working in special education. My undergrad was in teaching grades pre-k to 5th, but God had a different plan for me and I ended up teaching special ed while getting my masters in it with a focus on severe to profound. I worked 3 years to get my masters all the while trying my best to figure out how I was to reach each blessed little child God put in front of me to teach. It was easy to plan lesson from a core content (reading, math, science social studies) mind set, but trying to figure in all the varying needs like sensory issues, fine motor issues, gross motor issues, language issues, social skills, and so much more was truly a day by day if not minute by minute. I am known for changing up my room at least once every 2 months (for the first couple of years once a week) to find the best set up for my students. I can and will continue to teach while a student is laying in their desk with their head upside down on the ground and others making noises. I often cry on Friday when I go back over my lesson plan and realize we didn't get to half of the great things I wanted to because I had to help clean up a blow out, or my students just couldn't keep up with me that day, or they didn't master the skills needed to go on. I have taught the letter Kk to death and a student with the letter K at the beginning of her name still can not tell you that she has written a K on her paper. I plan and think about ways to enhance my teaching and activities for hours upon hours. I love creating new things and ways to help my students make gains. I often start a project and stop and ask "what was I thinking?" I get frustrated when I think my directions were clear and the child just stares at me or wonders around trying to do what I asked even though she has no idea what I asked. I try so hard to find ways for my non-verbal kiddos to communicate. Sometimes I think I hear mumbled words in the "noises" my kiddos make. I see the joy in a child when you hug and appreciate them.

Anyway these ramblings are getting to a point I promise. See I have been doing this for 5 years now and today I saw how God has molded me, allowed me to fail, allowed me to be cut down when I started to brag, and is always shown me how much He loves me. I have had such big dreams and hopes for each school year and assumed it would just come to be, but I now realize that I am still learning. I am thankful to the students who had me for a teacher while I was learning how to be a teacher. They allowed me to make mistakes and still loved me. I am sorry I didn't know what I know now, but also know I will always be sorry if I dwell on that. God has a perfect plan and He put in to play the exact kids I would have while He was molding me. The kids who He knew I could reach and make gains with. I often hear of how past students are doing and feel that sense of why could that teacher get him to do that and I couldn't, but God stops me and reminds me it's because that how God has designed it. Yes this is not the best of news for some. Sometimes we have to realize that why things are happening are for a reason and they will not hurt us. For example: Your child got the brand new teacher this year and your child isn't making as many gains as you hoped. Instead of blaming the new teacher thank God for choosing your child to help make that teacher a better teacher.

I see where I can make improvements and I pray that I do make the necessary changes and not just talk about them like I have done in the past. Amazing how that news flash/light bulb really can hit ya right out of the blue. I have been complaining about things for far to long. Especially since I have the power to change the things I have been whining about! Way to go Carrie-Anne way to go. Thankfully God showed me today what I need to do.

Like I said I am a beginner in the field of education, but I have done all that I could to be the best educator I knew how to be. I will continue to seek new ideas and ways to reach my students. I will rearrange my classroom until I get it perfect for that time. I will make mistakes and I will have successes. I will have God on my side.

So parents of whom I have taught I'm sorry I wasn't the best teacher, but I thank you for helping me to be better. I cannot go back and talk to some whom I would love to talk with to let them know how much they have inspired me. I pray that God has shown them how much I am sorry and how much they have made me who I am.

Today a lady shared about forgiveness and what God says about it. I cannot quote the scripture, but it really hit me. There are some people I cannot go back to and say "I'm sorry," but I want to. God I'm sorry I didn't ask like a lady of God to those people. I'm sorry I let my flesh rule me.

Thank you God for molding me and please continue to work on me! Amen. 

 

Inspiration

So for a couple of weeks I've been really enjoying reading other people's blogs. Thanks to http://pinterest.com. I have especially been looking at teacher blogs. I wish I was as crafty and cutesy as some teachers I have read about. They have the cutest rooms all decked out to the nines and such wonderful ideas. My goal before the end of 2011 is to redefine my classroom into a space that is me! What does this mean??? I need a theme. I've seen frogs, fish, polka dots, pink and brown, you know all the stylish things out there. I also have created a dream board of ideas and things I want to see come to light before 2012. Thanks pinterest.com for being my inspiration to take on more projects and tasks.

Really today my principal talked about why some become teachers giving that old example "for the summers off." Ha that is not why I am a teacher. I am a teacher because it is my make up. God knew before I was even a twinkle in my parents eyes that I was to be a teacher. I fought it too! Trust me I did! How do I know this? I spent the first two days of my Thanksgiving break trying to figure out new ways to teach my kiddos! I am always looking for things that I can use in my classroom when I am out and about and I am constantly reminding myself Lili is only 3 and doesn't have to be drilled on sight words, dot patterns, letters and numbers! Yes I am one of those teachers who is always trying to learn how to reach my students better. Now if I could learn how to manage my time better so I can make and do all that I "WANT" to do that would be great.

Not only did God design me to be a teacher He chose me to teach the special students. You know the one's with the best smile or the one who needs my hands to be his hands. Yep I am a special education teacher. I am blessed to have my life touched by such wonderful children and their families. Now if someone could petition God to give me some skills in the paperwork and organization that would be appreciated. Yep I am constantly checking my calendar only to find I have forgotten to do something. I am always looking for that one piece of paper I know I put in a special place so I could put my hand on it at any given moment. In spite of my shortfalls I am a teacher and I will teach the students placed in my care academics, life skills, and how to be who God made them to be.

I pray everyday that I use my talents and gifts in the classroom the way God wants. I pray that I am able to give 110% so that my students are able to be a part of the school community. I pray that I can work through the child fighting me, screaming and noises, and the snotty noses and that each student goes home with a new skill each day. Thank you God for the many gains the students I have worked with have made. Some are so tiny that when I go and share with others they cannot grasp why I am so excited over a child placing a ball in a toy in the correct place 3 times in a row. Last Sunday our preacher share with us about being thankful and publicly sharing our thanksgivings. Today I want everyone to know I am thankful God made me the way He did and that He cleared the way for me to fulfill His calling on my life.

Please stick with me! I plan on posting pictures of my room then (now) (plain and boring) and now (when I get it done!)

One other blessing from God I would like to share. There is a great program called donorschose.org. This program allows teachers to ask others for donations on projects or items that are needed for our classrooms. I posted a project this year and for over 2 months my project had no one "helping". Now I am getting  wonderful emails saying you have a new donation to your project. I thought for sure that it was not going to be fully funded and put it on the back burner, but God has a different plan. He really is in the little things.

Be sure to check out and help support my Donors Choose project at http://www.donorschoose.org/we-teach/936661.-784392197

renewing

God is so good! He has truly shown Himself in so many ways. I love how He is speaking to me and sharing so much that I cannot contain myself. The last few weeks I have been off kilter and now I feel a renewal in my spirit. I have a long way to go, but the beginnings are here. Praise God! New things are coming and I am ready.

We are still dealing with Justin's health issues. Tests are still being run and we will continue to wait for answers. Justin is still managing to teach and keep up with his classes as well as he can. He is enjoying teaching, but hating all the papers he has to grade.

I still love my job and I know God has placed me right where I am suppose to be. I love the planning and finding new and fun activities for my students to do. Now if I can just get all my kiddos to be on the same page as me things will be even better! I am blessed to be able to work with great teachers and staff.

What else is going on in my world? Lili is still trying me as much as she can. In fact hew newest thing is to tell me she doesn't want what WE have picked out and when I give her what she tells me she really wanted and then after we change it up she cries this isn't what I wanted. Yes I know she is acting just like I did when I was little, but it is so hard! Along with this if I do not do what she wanted or give her what she asked she tells me she will be sad. I just tell her it's okay for her to be sad sometimes. I love that girl. She is a heart melter.

It is turkey time so here is what I am thankful for: My life. . . as crazy as it is it is what God has given me. I pray I am using it for His glory.

Be blessed!

Forgiving

It's 6 in the morning and I've already been up for an hour on a day that I don't have to be up this early. This week God has been speaking to me in my thoughts along with the devil. I've spent a lot of time in negativity, I have not let go and let God, I have judged myself, and I have been selfish. I have learned a lot this week in how I have asked God for forgiveness and yet I continue to repeat the sin. Thankfully God reminds me of His grace and how He knew I meant the "I'm sorry" then, but I did not have a heart change. Lord I hope this week has encouraged me to have a heart change.

Last week I talked about the Thin Places in church. Here is the information Soul Fuel.
The Celtic Christians redefined “thin place” as a location that give us an opening into the magnificence and wonder of Jesus Christ. A thin place is where the veil that separates heaven and earth is lifted and one is able to receive a glimpse of the glory of God. When we accepted Christ we became a "thin place" and we can bring God to others just by walking in the room. I mention this because I did not listen to what I shared in Sunday school. Instead I complained and let negativity follow me all week.

This week I pray that I can be a light for others and bring about the love of God as I communicate and be with my family, friends, and co-workers.

On other notes: Liliana is a super girl who brings joy to my heart. She is growing up to fast. She is learning and discovering who she is in the Lord. I feel blessed that God allows Justin and me to help raise her.

Justin is still dealing with some health issues. We have sought the doctors help and yet no answers have come. He goes back to the doctor Monday for more tests. Please pray the doctors find an answer and a way to help him.

Blessings to you this week!