That small still voice

I am still trying to figure out this book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I'm now in chapter 5. Chan makes lots of good points and really is pushing me to think about my faith. Chapter 4 was all about being a lukewarm christian. Chan gives lots of scenarios describing what a lukewarm christian might look like or act, but low and behold in chapter 5 Chan threw a curve ball and said that the term lukewarm christian is an oxymoron. You cannot really be a christian and be only lukewarm. Now I have to let you know that reading this book has not been easy, but something keeps calling me back to it. I may only have time to read one page, but I feel like I need to sit down and read what I can. Maybe it is because I am only borrowing it from the Kindle library, but I don't think that is it. I finished up chapter 4 and began chapter 5 just now and as I am trying to read and focus I keep "hearing/sensing" this thought or something about the idea of God. Kind of like someone is asking me "You really believe there is truly a God that created everything and created you for Him and He wants you to follow Him and live your life in such a way that you truly have to depend only on Him?"

I feel like the author of this book Chan's prayer for his readers is that they stop and think about their walk with God and come to an understanding of loving Him even if it seems crazy. I also think the devil is not happy with this prayer and while I am reading he is trying to pull me off my course just a little by putting thoughts of doubt into my head.

Really though, think about it; God is God. He created everything that we know of and so much that we don't. He created man in His image for Him and He wants us to love Him and accept that He sent a boy-His son-to live on earth and be human and God in one. He orchestrated people to write down His ideas and put it together to form the Bible. He seeks us out and wants to make us holy and if we accept all this and live according to His will we (might) will be able to hear Jesus say yes I know Carrie-Anne good and faithful servant. How silly does that sound?

Just this afternoon I was talking with some co-workers and it came up about a man that had committed suicide and how could anyone do that. I commented "who would want to go to Hell? I know Jesus is going to have a long list of things I missed and messed up, but I know I'm going to Heaven." Then I come home to finish up the lukewarm chapter and start on chapter 5 and doubt the idea of a God and this whole christian concept. Strange how God works if you ask me!

Did you noticed in my third paragraph I sneaked  in the word might when talking about hearing Jesus say yes you are a friend of mine? As I was typing I wrote might instead of will, but I feel like everyone thinks if they are saved they will be in Heaven when the time comes, but is that really the case? This book is really presenting a case for me to think long and hard about it all. Even think about is there really a God. I have always said that even if I knew with 100% that no matter what I did I was going to go to hell I would still praise God and live my life according to His will so that I do not bring anyone else with me to hell. Two questions come to mind: 1. Is my walk (life) encouraging others or am I just another person living life not affecting anyone? 2. Is how I'm living really going to get me into Heaven or am I that lukewarm christian? 

I do believe in God and believe that He is I Am that I Am, the Alpha and Omega, Abba Father, and so much more. I also believe that God knew that when I began reading this particular book I would have doubts and I would question me faith. I am sure He knows if this book will change me. He has a plan for me and while I do not know how future chapters of my story will pan out I am willing to continue on my path with Him beside me. I wonder if that thought I heard or felt while reading was the devil putting doubt in me or was it really God calling me to question my faith. God does speak in a small still voice. I pray that God does use this book to bring me closer to Him and to inspire me to reach others.