Ramblings of a Special Education Teacher! Praising God.

I am a beginner teacher. I have been teaching for 5 years and am working in special education. My undergrad was in teaching grades pre-k to 5th, but God had a different plan for me and I ended up teaching special ed while getting my masters in it with a focus on severe to profound. I worked 3 years to get my masters all the while trying my best to figure out how I was to reach each blessed little child God put in front of me to teach. It was easy to plan lesson from a core content (reading, math, science social studies) mind set, but trying to figure in all the varying needs like sensory issues, fine motor issues, gross motor issues, language issues, social skills, and so much more was truly a day by day if not minute by minute. I am known for changing up my room at least once every 2 months (for the first couple of years once a week) to find the best set up for my students. I can and will continue to teach while a student is laying in their desk with their head upside down on the ground and others making noises. I often cry on Friday when I go back over my lesson plan and realize we didn't get to half of the great things I wanted to because I had to help clean up a blow out, or my students just couldn't keep up with me that day, or they didn't master the skills needed to go on. I have taught the letter Kk to death and a student with the letter K at the beginning of her name still can not tell you that she has written a K on her paper. I plan and think about ways to enhance my teaching and activities for hours upon hours. I love creating new things and ways to help my students make gains. I often start a project and stop and ask "what was I thinking?" I get frustrated when I think my directions were clear and the child just stares at me or wonders around trying to do what I asked even though she has no idea what I asked. I try so hard to find ways for my non-verbal kiddos to communicate. Sometimes I think I hear mumbled words in the "noises" my kiddos make. I see the joy in a child when you hug and appreciate them.

Anyway these ramblings are getting to a point I promise. See I have been doing this for 5 years now and today I saw how God has molded me, allowed me to fail, allowed me to be cut down when I started to brag, and is always shown me how much He loves me. I have had such big dreams and hopes for each school year and assumed it would just come to be, but I now realize that I am still learning. I am thankful to the students who had me for a teacher while I was learning how to be a teacher. They allowed me to make mistakes and still loved me. I am sorry I didn't know what I know now, but also know I will always be sorry if I dwell on that. God has a perfect plan and He put in to play the exact kids I would have while He was molding me. The kids who He knew I could reach and make gains with. I often hear of how past students are doing and feel that sense of why could that teacher get him to do that and I couldn't, but God stops me and reminds me it's because that how God has designed it. Yes this is not the best of news for some. Sometimes we have to realize that why things are happening are for a reason and they will not hurt us. For example: Your child got the brand new teacher this year and your child isn't making as many gains as you hoped. Instead of blaming the new teacher thank God for choosing your child to help make that teacher a better teacher.

I see where I can make improvements and I pray that I do make the necessary changes and not just talk about them like I have done in the past. Amazing how that news flash/light bulb really can hit ya right out of the blue. I have been complaining about things for far to long. Especially since I have the power to change the things I have been whining about! Way to go Carrie-Anne way to go. Thankfully God showed me today what I need to do.

Like I said I am a beginner in the field of education, but I have done all that I could to be the best educator I knew how to be. I will continue to seek new ideas and ways to reach my students. I will rearrange my classroom until I get it perfect for that time. I will make mistakes and I will have successes. I will have God on my side.

So parents of whom I have taught I'm sorry I wasn't the best teacher, but I thank you for helping me to be better. I cannot go back and talk to some whom I would love to talk with to let them know how much they have inspired me. I pray that God has shown them how much I am sorry and how much they have made me who I am.

Today a lady shared about forgiveness and what God says about it. I cannot quote the scripture, but it really hit me. There are some people I cannot go back to and say "I'm sorry," but I want to. God I'm sorry I didn't ask like a lady of God to those people. I'm sorry I let my flesh rule me.

Thank you God for molding me and please continue to work on me! Amen.